i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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