Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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