I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
