Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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