literally had 100 drinks last night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
