But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
