Need sex. Gaining weight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize