Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
