she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
