Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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