Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
