I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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