i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
