Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
