Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
