Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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