then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
