You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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