he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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