Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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