yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just pee around me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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