all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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