You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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