Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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