Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
