I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
