so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
