Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
