I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
