apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
