im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
