Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
