Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
