he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
