You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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