I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
