If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
