Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
