He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
