the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
