im about as happy as oj after his trial
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
