marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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