I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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