and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
