I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im holly from the hills drunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
