I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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