Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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