i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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