she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
