she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was confusing and full of hummus
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
